Without You
by Dyl01
Summary: Puckurt, angsty. Follows Puck and Kurt after the events of "The Real Me". Appearances by Quinn, Santana, Finn and various OC's R&R
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Obviously I don't own Glee and I make no money from fanfic.

This story continues on from "The Real Me"

Will contain some slashy goodness, so deal with it.

**Chapter One:**

_Sand. There's way too much goddamn sand, _Noah thought as he sat on the edge of the beach, the waves lapping gently at his feet. If he stayed much longer, the water would start getting his jeans wet, but he couldn't seem to pull himself away. Maybe it was because of the peace he felt sitting at the waters edge, or maybe just because of how tired he was. Either way, Noah loved being at the beach - It wasn't like there were a lot of beaches in Lima and he was enjoying being able to visit whenever he wanted. He could relax here. But the sand... well that just got everywhere.

He thought about the weeks that had lead to this moment and smirked, it really was a hell of a story. Every time he thought about it, he was surprised. Life certainly had a way of changing quickly.

Thinking back to the day he left Lima, it was still a bit of a blur. Everything had happened so quickly and he had no idea how he had ever gotten the guts to just pack up and leave. Sometimes when he really thought about it, he knew it would have taken more guts to stay.

After leaving Kurt asleep in the cabin, Noah had driven home as fast as his truck would allow, as if afraid that slowing down would make him change his mind. His mother was more than a little surprised and concerned when he rushed into their home so early in the morning, straight to his room to start throwing clothes into his suitcase. His mom had pulled him into the living room to sit down and explain. As much as he tried to stall, nobody could evade his mother for long and he ended up spilling the dirt on everything that had happened in the weeks leading up to that moment. His cheeks still burned with shame when he remembered the way he had doubled over, sobbing, when he had asked his mother to let him go.

She had wanted him to stay, to face his problems head on like a man. Sure, she didn't actually say it, but Noah knew it was true. She never wanted him to be like his father. But that was exactly how he felt. He had spent his life furious at his dad for leaving them the way he did - because he thought his problems were too hard to handle - and now Noah had done exactly the same thing. It was really hard to stay angry at someone after you turn out just like them.

Eventually, his mother had agreed that maybe it would be better for him to get away for a while. School was almost over, he wouldn't miss much, and if he ended up staying away from Lima, he could always enrol in another school. It had taken a lot of promising and a lot of tears, but his mother had finally allowed him to leave. At least she knew he'd be safe where he was going. Sort of.

Staying with his Aunt Heather in wasn't exactly every one's idea of safe.

After packing his things into his car, Noah had driven for most of the day, trying his very hardest to keep his mind off of Kurt, Lima... everything really. He was sure that god, or whatever cosmic force was out there was working against him, since everything seemed to draw his attention back to the boy he had left behind. Even the DJ's on the radio seemed to be conspiring against him, playing songs that reminded him of Kurt. Eventually he shut off the radio in frustration and concentrated on the road. He was sure nobody in the history of driving had had a safer journey.

After a few days of driving for as long as he could and sleeping in the back of his truck, Noah arrived at his Aunts house, mentally prepared to take on the many, many questions she would no doubt have for him, but, being a Monday, she was at work. After leaving his truck parked in the driveway and a note attached to the door, Noah headed down to the beach,

He'd been sitting in the same spot for close to two hours now, staring out into the ocean, hoping for some sort of sign to appear, something to tell him he had made the right decision after all. Noah chuckled darkly - leaving Lima was all he had wanted to do since he was ten years old, no matter what else was going on in his life, it was always his number one goal, but now that he had actually left, it felt like the hardest thing in the world.

A sudden gust of cool wind blew in from the water and snapped Noah out of his reverie. For someone who rarely had time for introspective thought, he was shocked by how much he had zoned out, completely absorbed in his thoughts. The light was quickly fading from the sky and the last of the days surfers were coming in, which Noah took as a sign to leave - his Aunt was sure to be home from work by now and wondering where he was.

Noah heard his Aunt Heather long before he actually saw her. As soon as he turned onto her street, the sound of her signing at the top of her lungs met his ears. He smiled in spite of his bad mood - his Aunt was known for being some what of a "free spirit" and he had no doubt that she knew her voice was awful, but continued to sing anyway. That was what Noah loved about his Aunt, she was a real badass and didn't care what anyone thought of her. Even so, he thought it best to knock and announce his presence rather than just walk in. He knocked loudly and the singing abruptly stopped, but not before Noah took a moment to wonder what was in the water in Lima - it seemed like everyone there had a perfect signing voice.

The sound of his Aunt bounding down the stairs caused him to grin. Staying with Heather was exactly what he needed, free and easy. Fun.

The large wooden door in front of him opened quickly and Noah found himself engulfed in a bear hug.

"I can't believe you're here Puck!" Heather yelled, hugging him again. "Ok, well I guess I can... your mom called - by the way what's up with her? My sister has always been on the wrong side of tense, but she sounded like she was about a minute away from exploding. Anyway, let me look at you!"

Noah smiled - his Aunt was really more like a teenager than an adult. Then again, he had always thought of her as the cool one in the family, probably because at twenty six years old, she was a lot younger than his Mom. He didn't even want to think about how old his grandparents had been when they had her - that was just nasty.

While she fussed over how much he had grown and how different he looked, Noah took the opportunity to survey her appearance. It had been years since they had seen one another after all. All he could really say was that the good Lord had blessed his family with some kick ass genetics. His Aunt had long, golden hair that hung over her shoulders with a gentle wave, lightly tanned skin and deep blue eyes, the total opposite of his Mom. It was obvious that she worked out in some capacity - she was slim, but not in a "I drink all of my meals" kind of way. Knowing Heather, she probably did some sort of hippy yoga crap on the beach or something. Although Noah thought of that kind of thing as ridiculous, he couldn't deny that she looked a lot younger than twenty six and if Sue Sylvester ever met her, she'd forge as many documents as necessary to get Heather enrolled and onto the Cheerios.

"Wow, you're certainly not the scrawny thirteen year old I remember!" She exclaimed.

"And you're as beautiful as ever."

"What a charmer!" She said with a laugh, "But even so, your haircut is still totally stupid."

Noah laughed and ran a hand through his Mohawk. That was definitely a "Puck" thing and now that he thought about it, maybe it _was _more ridiculous than badass.

"What can I say, I'm just so much of a stud I make it work."

"Uh huh..." Heather said, rolling her eyes. "Anyway, don't just stand there, come on in. Apparently something big went down back in Lima and I want all the gory details. I miss all the drama of home, that place is like a soap opera."

Noah followed her into the house, steeling himself for the tough conversation he knew was coming. While he sat on the beach earlier he had debated with himself on just how much he should tell her. He hadn't even told his mom the whole story. Honestly, he wanted to tell her everything, he needed someone to talk to and it wasn't as if his Aunt would reject him for being gay - hell, she'd probably love it. But telling her the whole story made it real and he was more than a little afraid she would tell him he had been a total asshole. He knew it, but that didn't mean he wanted to be reminded of the fact.

As he made his way into the living room he found himself grinning again, the decor reminding him of just how easy going his Aunt was. The room was generously furnished, to the point of being slightly cluttered, but it looked like everything was second hand and it all looked very mismatched. He loved it, but Kurt would totally freak out.

He frowned, remembering that Kurt would never see this place. It was over. It was such a stupid thing to forget, but Noah found himself constantly thinking about things he wanted to tell Kurt, or wondering what Kurt was up to, or if he would like his Aunt. Every time he thought things like this, when he forgot for just a second that it was really over, it hurt so much more than before.

He sat down on the faded leather couch that sat along one wall and sighed.

_Question time, here we go. _

"So. Puck." His Aunt began. She sat down next to him, looking slightly apprehensive. "Your Mom didn't really say much about why you were coming and I don't want to be a total buzz kill, but I need to ask... are you in trouble? With the cops or..."

"No, not trouble." Noah interjected. "Well, just the emotional kind."

"Ah, I see. First big heartbreak huh?"

"Sort of, except I did the breaking."

"Oh.. and now do you regret it? Breaking up with her?"

Noah took a deep breath, it was now or never.

"Actually, it was a he. Kurt."

His Aunt was quiet for a moment and Noah felt his pulse quicken. He had just assumed she would be fine with it, he hadn't even considered what he would do if she got angry or told him to leave. The moment felt like a lifetime, but eventually his Aunt smiled reassuringly.

"Ok. So why did you end things? Are you uncertain about your sexuality or..."

"No. I'm pretty much more certain about that than anything. It's just... everything else. Lima... the people..."

"I get it. Really. I went to McKinley way back when after all, I know what it's like there."

"I just couldn't come out and be honest. My best friend Finn freaked when he found out and the guys on the football team started to suspect and were giving me a lot of shit... it was bad enough when I just joined Glee Club but thi-"

"Wait, hold up." His Aunt interrupted. "You joined Glee Club? Show choir!"

"Yeah..." Noah mumbled.

"I'm not sure that was the best way to keep things under wraps."

"Maybe."

"Relax Puck, I'm kidding!" She said, taking note of the forlorn expression he wore. "You should never be afraid to do the things you want to do, just because of what people might say. Especially when those people are Lima Losers."

"I know." He agreed. "But I am. Glee Club was one thing, but as soon as people started to suspect about me and Kurt... it was way too much. I know I shouldn't care what people think and that I should be myself. I get it. But I do care."

"It's hard, I know."

"Hell yeah. I guess I'm not as much of a badass as I thought."

"Being strong and being _badass _are totally different Puck. Make sure you're going after the right one."

They both sat quietly for a moment, lost in their own thoughts. Noah was glad his Aunt had reacted well. He knew she would, but the slight chance of her freaking out was enough to scare him. It was as if they both knew that there would be no more talk of Kurt, for now at least. His Aunt smiled, the energy of the room changing with her expression.

"So, tell me, is that creeper Sandy Ryerson still allowed near children?"

"Ok Puck, as much fun as this catch up session has been, I really have to go to bed, some of us have work tomorrow." Aunt Heather said, poking her tongue out teasingly.

Noah stood and wrapped his arms around her, hugging her tightly to him.

"Aunt Heather?"

"Yeah?"

"Could you maybe... call me Noah? I'm trying to leave Puck behind."

"Sure." She said, pulling away to look him in the eye. "As long as you promise to drop the Aunt thing. It makes me feel old."

"No problem Heather." Noah said, trying his best not to think of a similar conversation he had once had with Kurt.

AN: Annnnnd Chapter One is done. Setting the scene a little here.

I know some of you weren't too happy with Noah at the end of my last fic, but you know, life is hardly ever easy or romantic, if it were, Taylor Swift wouldn't have sold nearly as many albums. Just remember that everything that is broken can be fixed, but it might not look the same.

Aunt Heather is based on a mixture of people I know, and was originally going to be called Holly, until I rewatched the substitute...

Next chapter will be from Kurt's perspective.

I'm not a review hound, but I do appreciate them and I'm personally going to review every fic I read from now on and would encourage you guys to do the same. it only takes a minute, but they are so helpful to authors. Spread the love.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two: Kurt**

If he really thought about it, it was funny. Not funny in the nice, "Rachel Berry outfit selection" kind of way, but more in that painful way that cut like a knife. It was funny because he knew this would happen. The moment he started feeling the unfamiliar sensation of falling for someone, really falling, he knew he would end up hurt. Sure, there had been his crush on Finn and yes, he had ended up being pretty torn up over it, but this was on a whole new level.

He had know, from the moment Puck had told him to call him Noah, that eventually he would get hurt. Obviously he had tried to ignore it and for the most part it was easy to believe that everything was going to work out. Even on that night, the night before he left, Kurt had pushed aside the niggling feeling that Puck wasn't _really _there with him. It wasn't exactly that it was _easier_ to believe Puck really loved him... it wasn't easy it all... it was just so much _nicer_.

Looking in the mirror, Kurt sighed at his reflection, frustrated with what he saw. He had been sitting at the vanity in his room for almost an hour under the pretense of getting ready for the last day of school, but in reality he was just counting down the hours until he could go back to bed. For the last two weeks, since the day Puck had unceremoniously disappeared, Kurt had been paying a lot less attention to his appearance and it was beginning to show. His usual clear skin had turned sallow and there was the beginnings of a break out on his forehead. His hair had been in a permanent unruly state and the bags under his eyes were becoming closer to suitcases. For the last two weeks, that was fine. He couldn't find the energy to care.

But today had to be different.

His family and friends had all seen him slip into what could only be described as a mild state of depression, although few knew the reason. It had been hard to deal with them at first, Kurt had wanted nothing more than to be alone and think, but the slip in his appearance and the fact that he didn't seem to care at all had everyone bothered. Even Sue Sylvester had shown some uncharacteristic kindness and called him into her office to check that he was OK. After insulting his general untidiness and lack of style, she had even muttered some comforting words before ordering him out of her office. Then there was the meeting with Mr. Shue. And the meeting with Miss Pillsbury. He was just glad his father seemed to be avoiding him, obviously not ready to deal with comforting his son on his first breakup. That was fine by Kurt, he really didn't want to have that talk anytime soon.

Although he found himself unable to care about his hair, or wether his shoes matched his tie, the very things that would have taken up a good percentage of his waking time previously, he knew that today he had to make the extra effort, to make people believe that although he was a little upset, he wasn't totally broken.

That way, he wouldn't have to be subjected to any sort of "Cheer Up Kurt" project over the summer. He loved his friends, but he really wanted to be left alone. Just one more day. One day of faking it and he wouldn't have to see them again for weeks.

He felt a small twinge of guilt at that thought. He hadn't meant to push everyone away, but the sheer effort it took to actually get out of bed every day and pretend he was OK was exhausting. If he could manage to go for the whole day without someone questioning him on what was wrong, maybe it was worth hurting some peoples feelings. He did feel bad about lying to Mercedes thought, she was supposed to be his best friend after all and he knew he wasn't being fair to her. But she would just have to wait, he really didn't have the energy to worry about her for more than a minute at a time.

The one person he did talk to was a godsend, probably literally. If anyone had told him this time a year ago that they would be so close, he would have sent them to a therapist immediately, but then again, nothing about his life had turned out the way he had expected it. He never thought he would lose his virginity to Noah Puckerman, or that he'd wake up alone, never to see the boy he loved again. And he really never thought he would be best friends with Quinn Fabray.

She had been the greatest comfort to him since Puck had left and he couldn't have asked for anything more. She already knew the whole situation and had known Puck for longer than he had. That just made her easy to talk to. In school they still treated one another the same, quietly polite, but they didn't hang out. Even so, in Glee Club rehearsal Kurt always found himself sitting next to the pretty blonde and even being close to her would comfort him. After school they would hang out and talk, sometimes about Puck, sometimes about the problems she was having to Finn. It was like they were helping each other, each with the information the other needed. Quinn knew a lot more about relationships and Kurt had some inside "boy" knowledge, as well as being around Finn a lot. If anyone every found out just how much Kurt valued his time with Quinn he would be mortified, but she was honestly the one thing keeping him going.

Things with Finn had been slightly better since Puck had left, although there was still a lot of tension between the two of them. That turned out to be a good thing though, as Finn was the only person who hadn't mentioned Puck at all. Sure, it probably wasn't to spare his feelings, but it was nice to know he wouldn't have to face any of the "surprise attacks" he had come to expect from the others, who would often wonder aloud where Puck was or why he had left. At least when he was around Finn, he knew the "P" word wouldn't be mentioned.

After finishing applying a light layer of makeup, enough to cover the blemishes and make his eyes look slightly less like a he was a panda that had been in a bar fight, he glanced at the clock. Ever since Puck had left he had been waking up extremely early and had to spend hours waiting for an appropriate time to go upstairs for breakfast. Seeing it was almost seven, he decided to go up, hoping that a strong enough cup of coffee could get him through the day.

"Morning Buddy."

Kurt turned away from the stove suddenly, startled by the greeting. He smiled at his father in a way he hoped didn't look too forced before turning back the the pancakes he was making.

"Morning Dad."

"So, did you sleep well last night."

"Sure." Kurt replied.

"Great..." Burt said slowly. Kurt could tell he was uncomfortable. "So... last day of school today huh?"

"Yep."

"Any plans for the summer?"

"Not really."

"Oh."

Kurt felt relief beyond measure when Finn bounded into the room and sat down at the table. If there was one thing Finn was good for, it was cutting the tension. Probably because he was so unaware of it and talked animatedly throughout breakfast. Finn was definitely a morning person. Kurt felt a little bad at being so relieved not to have to try to force himself to talk to his father. His Dad was all he had had for so many years and cutting him out like this hurt, just not as much as it would hurt to be honest. Except for Quinn, Kurt hadn't talked to anyone about Puck, or what had happened on the night before he left. It was too hard and he knew he couldn't handle the awkwardness of talking to his dad about it. If he didn't talk about it, he didn't have to think about it and there were moments, small ones, but moments nonetheless, where it felt like maybe none of it had ever happened at all.

Those moments were equal parts blissful and shattering. It was nice to forget, if only for a second, but when he remembered, it felt so much worse.

As he looked at his family sitting at the breakfast table, he tried to plaster on a smile that looked somewhat real. At least he was getting plenty of acting practice.

* * *

><p>"Kurt... can we talk?"<p>

Kurt closed his locker door as slowly as possible, as if trying to buy himself time. It wasn't that he was avoiding Mercedes, but this sounded like it was going to be a conversation he wasn't particularly excited about.

"Sure Mercedes. What's up?" Kurt asked, hoping desperately that he was injecting the right level of enthusiasm into his voice.

"I'm just... I'm worried about you Kurt." She said. The sincere look of concern in her eyes cut right to Kurt's core and he regretted lying to her in that moment more than ever before.

"Why? Not that I'm not flattered, but I'm perfectly fine."

Kurt ran his fingers through his hair, vaguely aware that it was a trait he had picked up from Puck. He knew it looked messier this way, but he couldn't seem to quit the habit.

"Are you sure?"

"Of course."

"It's just... you seem so down lately. Ever since Puck went all bizzarro at Brittany's party. Are the guys on the football team giving you a hard time?"

"Yes. But that's hardly anything new." He said. He reached out to Mercedes and grasped hold of her hand, careful to look right in her eyes, he knew this had to be convincing. "I'm fine really... Karofsky and the others just get a little worse at the end of the semester, something about not having to see the consequences I guess."

Mercedes looked uncertain and for a moment Kurt was sure she was going to protest or push him for more details. He knew he should just talk to her, but he wasn't sure he could handle going over the whole story with her and having her sympathy - or worse, having her tell him he should have known better. That he deserved to be feeling this way.

Maybe he did though. He would be lying if he told himself he hadn't considered it. Getting involved with someone who was previously certain of their heterosexuality probably wasn't the best idea, especially when that person was Noah Puckerman, one of the biggest man whores in existence. Maybe he should have known better and protected his heart.

Still, hindsight is a wonderful thing. It was all so obvious _now_.

"Ok Boo." She said, giving his arm a comforting squeeze. "If you need anything, come to me ok?"

"Of course I will. Thanks Mercedes." Kurt said, with a small smile.

Maybe she didn't quite believe him, but at least she wasn't going to press him on it - today at least.

He reached into his pocket and withdrew his phone, sending a text to the one person he really had been able to count on. Quinn really had become one of his closest friends, something that amazed him to no end. Hopefully she'd be free to hang out after school.

* * *

><p>AN: <strong>Hey, sorry about the lack of update, haven't been near a computer recently and then when I got to one, the site wouldn't let me upload, so this had been sitting here waiting.<strong>

This chapter is short, like the last, but this is more than likely going to be a long story and I wanna get the pacing right. The first few chapters are kind of just showing where everyone is, who knows what ect. Kind of like a catch up on how everyone is doing before things start going down.

Next chapter will be centered around Quinn. Enjoy, review if you can, they are appreciated.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three: Quinn**

Quinn smiled as she pulled her hair out of her tight ponytail. As bad as she was feeling, the relief of not having her hair pulled back so tightly was always amazing. Being a cheerio was great, but the throbbing she felt in her head by the end of every day was almost enough to make her consider quitting the squad. Almost. It seemed unlikely she would survive the wrath of Coach Sylvester if she ever dared to quit.

As usual, the feeling of relief was only fleeting and Quinn felt a tight frown form on her face. Looking in her wardrobe for a change of clothes she sighed. In a few minutes, Kurt would arrive and she would have to play the part of best friend again. Having to comfort Kurt and listen to how he was feeling, even offer him whatever advice she could come up with, was almost impossible for her to bear. In the past, she knew she would have found it hard to deal with because she didn't really like Kurt and if she as honest, the old Quinn didn't really care to hear about anyone else's problems.

But now, she hated hearing it for a different reason. She had caused this. She was the reason Kurt was in so much pain and there was nothing she could tell herself to make that feeling go away. The worst part was that after spending so much time with Kurt, Quinn realized how much she really did, genuinely enjoy spending time with him.

Sometimes it wasn't so bad. When she was at home, away from the distractions of school, or the quick looks of worry and heartbreak Kurt would shoot her every time somebody mentioned Puck's name, she could even convince herself that it wasn't really her fault. After all, she hadn't told Puck to leave, or even really done anything to make things harder for them. Sure, she had set Santana up, but really Santana could have stopped that at any moment by just being honest. It wasn't Quinn's fault Santana was a liar. And she had done it for the right reasons. She didn't want to hurt Kurt or Puck... or even Santana. But she had to. They were going to get in the way of absolutely everything she had worked so hard for. If she wasn't prom queen, what was the point in the past three years of work?

For a few minutes a day, it was easy for Quinn to think like this. She could come up with a million reasons to justify what she had done. For as long as she could remember, Quinn had felt absolutely sure that she would do whatever it took to be on top, no matter who got in her way. Ever since she had taken her middle name and left that disgusting, useless Lucy behind, she had been solely focused on becoming the best that she could be. She had known that in this world, nobody was going to do you any favours and if you had to hurt someone to get what you wanted, well, that was just too damn bad for them.

That had all been fine in theory, but she had never so thoroughly crushed somebody before. Now that she had, she wasn't sure it was worth it. She would probably be crowned prom queen now. Finn would be her king and the rest of high school would play out exactly as she had wanted it, but one look in Kurt's eyes and all of her certainty melted away. She knew now that when they placed that crown on her head, all she would feel was regret.

People would probably think she was crazy if they knew just how much she wanted it, some stupid crown that said a bunch of nobodies at a loser high school in a loser town gave to her because they thought she was special. Maybe it was crazy, but Quinn couldn't help but want it. She craved the validation of the people around her, after being an outcast for such a long time. She had never thought she would ever be as popular as she was now, hell, Lucy would never be in her position, head cheerleader, dating the quarterback and a shoe in for Prom Queen next year. Lucy could never pull that off, but now that she was Quinn, maybe she could. People always say you should try your hardest, be all you could be... well, she was just doing that.

"Hey, Quinnie?"

Quinn turned, startled by the sudden appearance of Kurt at her door. How long had she been staring in the mirror?

"Oh, hey Kurt."

"That outfit looks amazing." Kurt complimented, although Quinn could tell his heart wasn't really in it. Kurt's major style cut back had been one of the main topics of discussion at the Gleek table during lunch for the last few weeks. Whenever Kurt wasn't around that is - an event that seemed to be happening more and more as time went on.

"Thanks Kurt. It's nice to be out of the uniform finally." Quinn said, throwing her Cheerios uniform in the laundry hamper, ready to be taken to the dry cleaners. "So, how are you?"

"Great. I'm really looking forward to the holidays." Kurt said. He sat on Quinn's bed and fiddled with one of her teddy bears absent mindedly. "Cute."

"A gift from Finn, sort of." She said, nodding at the bear Kurt was holding.

"Sort of?"

"We went to this fair once and he was obsessed with the idea of winning me a bear... lets just say for a QB, Finn can't throw for shit. The guy at the stall ended up just giving it to me out of pity."

Kurt smiled then, genuinely for what seemed like the first time in ages and Quinn was instantly glad she had decided to share the slightly embarrassing story."

"So, how are you really?" Quinn asked. She sat next to Kurt and pulled him close, stroking his hair softly."

"I've been better."

"Puck?"

"Puck."

Quinn sighed, her guilt feeling fully renewed. How could she have done this? Messed someone up this badly. She shook her head slowly, astounded at her own selfishness. If Kurt was this upset, they must have had something really special.

"What happened to make you think of him?"

"Honestly, it's hard to stop. I mean... every day it gets a tiny bit easier, but today... Miss Pillsbury was cleaning out his locker. Evidently he hadn't even bothered to do that before leaving m- before leaving." Kurt said, sighing heavily before continuing. "She saw me coming down the hall and asked me to return his stuff to his mom."

"Oh Kurt..."

Kurt nodded towards the doorway, where Quinn saw a small bag sitting.

"Is that it?" She asked, not really needing to hear the answer to know that it was.

"Yeah. There was nothing much in there really..."

"Except?" Quinn asked, knowing there was something he wasn't telling her.

"Inside one of his books, there was a photo of us. I... I don't even remember posing for it actually. It was just the two of us, in our costumes for the boys versus girls mash up... I know I'm probably imagining it, but even in the picture it looks like he... like he really cares."

Quinn sighed quietly, surprising herself by letting out the breath she didn't even know she had been holding. As Kurt clutched her tightly and began sobbing, Quinn felt something she had never felt before. She thought she had, but until this moment, she'd had no idea. Holding Kurt, she felt heartbreak for the very first time.

All of a sudden, it didn't seem to matter anymore. All of the plotting and scheming. Fucking prom queen... nothing mattered.

Except making it right.

At that moment, it took all of her strength not to break down in hysterics, her tears matching Kurt's. Her heart seemed to physically ache and her blood felt like it had turned to ice. How had she been so heartless, so cruel? Suddenly, the thought she had been running away from for so long popped into her head. She was just like her parents.

The Fabray's were essentially good people - from the outside anyway. They worked hard, donated to charity and were active within the church. They were always ready to lend a helping hand and were lovely to everyone. Outside. Behind closed doors was a different story and it was obvious to Quinn that everything they did was for their own gain. She had promised herself that she would never be that selfish, that she would never use anyone, or hurt them.

And now, it was the only success she had ever had.

"It's ok Kurt... I'll take his stuff to Mrs. Puckerman." Quinn whispered quietly, praying her voice wouldn't give away her true feelings.

As she looked into the mirror at the sight of Kurt, curled into her side, looking so crushed and her, looking so defeated, she made herself a new promise.

No matter what it cost her, whatever she had to do, she would make this right.

* * *

><p><strong>AN<strong>: Whoops. I really lost any passion for this. But then I started reading fanfic again, which made me wanna write it again. Luckily, by the time you read this, I will have already written a few more chapters. THIS TIME, I'M GONNA GET AHEAD! I'm gonna make everything right :P

Also, I have no idea how the American school year works, it's so confusing! In NZ, we would go to school from Feb-Dec 16th (always the 16th lol) with three two week holidays spaced out over the year. I think this was so we could have a long break of xmas/summer...

In America, does the school year start in September or something weird like that? It makes literally no sense to me...

I'm saying this because the amount of time between this chapter (where school just finished) and when they start back at school is undetermined. I won't write in anything that could establish a timeframe, because I don't know what it would be. Anyway, when school starts up again, it'll be the start of season 2 and chapters will follow episodes a little, so I'll have more of an idea what month it is ect...If anyone can explain America, that'd be great.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four: Puck**

"Thanks sweet cheeks." Noah heard as the customer he had just waited on slapped his ass. The urge to turn around and knock the guy onto the floor was almost overpowering, but knowing how much of a dent that would put in his tips, he instead decided to grit his teeth and pretend it he hadn't heard, or felt, the man.

He walked quickly behind the counter, dropping his tray unceremoniously down before quickly pouring himself a cup of coffee. Although waiting tables wasn't his first choice when it came to work, Noah appreciated how generous the owner was, especially in the form of giving Noah as much food and coffee as he could handle. Of course, the job wasn't without its other benefits, namely the tips that Noah seemed to get in abundance. Even after they were split with the rest of the staff, he usually ended up making more than he would to clean a pool and that was on top of his hourly rate.

That was why he had ignored the ass slapper. Honestly, he had expected that his looks would help him out at the job, given that the neighbourhood the diner was in was primarily frequented by gay men, but he hadn't thought it would be quiet so extreme. Still, back home they had always said San Francisco would be like that.

Initially, Noah was reluctant to take the job, but after meeting the owner Maggie, who was a good friend of his aunts, he had felt compelled to take the work. Noah had always thought his aunt was one of a kind, but it seemed that Maggie was cut from a very similar cloth. She was loud, brash and generally what people would describe as insane, but Noah loved her for it. Even though he had only been working there for a month, he counted his boss as one of his best friends.

"Noah." Maggie said, seeming to come out of nowhere. "Are you just gonna take that shit?"

"What?" Noah asked, looking at his coffee with a look of confusion. "YOU just made this..."

"Not the coffee dumb ass." She said, rolling her eyes. "That guy that just slapped your ass like you were a naughty schoolboy."

Noah laughed, wondering just how much Maggie knew about his former life - and exactly how a woman in her late forties could get away with swearing like a sailor.

"It's no big deal Mags." He said, chuckling slightly. "My ass is amazing after all."

Maggie rolled her eyes before shuffling over to where Noah stood and punching him lightly on the shoulder.

"Noah honey, I don't know how you get outta bed in the morning, you're egos so over inflated." She said, her words softened with the soft chuckle she let out. "Anyway, Cassanova, your shifts done, why don't ya head off?"

"Sure thing Mags," Noah said, taking off his apron with some relief. Although he was trying to change, he still felt like a total dork when he was wearing the bright pink apron around his waist. At least he didn't have to have it covering his whole body like the cooks. "I'll catch you tomorrow?"

"Sure thing honey," Maggie said, her rich southern accent coating the words like honey. "And Noah baby?"

"Yeah?"

"Why don't you go out and have some fun? Your Aunt Heather... hell and me, we're worried about you. All you seem to do is work and stare at the damned ocean." She said, as she straightened out her own apron. "Go and have a good time. You're still new in town, I know, but I'm sure enough there are plenty of guys around her that'd show you some fun."

"Not mah kinda fun." Noah said, imitating her accent, which earned him a simultaneous scowl and chuckle.

"Just think about it. You're too young to be moping so much. Before you know it you'll be an old fool like me."

"Aw Mags, you're not old. Or a fool." he said, shooting her a wink and his most charming smile as he walked out the door.

"Dear lord, why are the good ones always flamers?" Maggie muttered, fanning herself with a napkin.

* * *

><p>Noah sighed as he lay back, feeling the hot sand warming his skin. Part of him felt a little guilty for ignoring Maggie's plea and heading straight to Ocean Beach, but in his defense, at least this time he wasn't just staring at "that damned ocean." as much as he was working on his tan.<p>

Over the last month, Noah had given up a lot of things, but his body wasn't one of them. If anything he was looking better than ever, since he seemed to exercise more than he had when Coach Sylvester had tried to take over from Tanaka at the start of the last football season. That month had been hell and he remembered never feeling so happy as when she had decided they were a lost cause, and Sue Sylvester only worked with champions.

Now it seemed like whenever he wasn't working or sleeping, he'd be working out or hanging at the beach. As long as he could keep his mind busy, he was happy. If he was too busy to think, he never had to think about how much he had hurt Kurt, or wonder what the soprano was doing at that moment.

Even though he tried his best to forget, Kurt would pop into his mind constantly. Sometimes it was down to someone he saw that had the slightest resemblance to the boy he loved, or a song he heard on the radio. More than once he had had to rush into the kitchen when a Lady Gaga song came on the radio. Whatever triggered it, it seemed like he couldn't go for more than a few hours without thinking of his boyfriend - or, as it was now, his ex-boyfriend.

It was hard to believe that it was now the end of July, that he had been gone for over a month. It felt like so much longer since he had seen Kurt, or his friends and family. But then again, sometimes he couldn't believe it had ONLY been a month... that he had so much longer ahead of him to mourn the loss of someone he loved. Someone he had lost because of his own stupid pride.

Of course, he had thought about going back a million times and had driven his Aunt Heather crazy with his indecision. By now, she had stopped asking when she returned home to see his bags in the hallway, knowing full well they would be returned to his room and emptied by the following morning.

He wanted to go back, so badly, but how could he? He had thrown everything away, for nothing. How could he go back now and expect everything to be the same. Kurt would never forgive him for what he had done and even if he did, what would change? It would be perfect and they'd be so happy, until the next time he felt slightly uncomfortable and hurt Kurt all over again.

No, he couldn't go back now. He'd just make the same mistakes time and time again, and that was why he had left in the first place. He never wanted to hurt Kurt again and while he knew that leaving, especially when he did, would tear Kurt apart, he also knew how strong Kurt was. The soprano would undoubtedly put himself back together again and move on, stronger and wiser than before. He'd meet someone else eventually, even in a town like Lima and he'd move on. Noah was certain whoever Kurt's next boyfriend would be, he would be better. He'd treat Kurt better than Noah ever could and would never hurt him. Maybe sometime in the future, Kurt would be happy again, happier than he would have been hiding in the shadows with Noah.

There was no way he could go back now. Kurt deserved a chance.

Suddenly Noah was snapped out of his thoughts by the thud of a body beside him and the strong, gruff "Hey" that had come his way as a greeting. He pulled his sunglasses up slightly to look at the man that had decided to come and invade his space.

Immediately, Noah felt himself begin to harden and slightly regretted wearing such baggy shorts, which were sure to tent terribly. The guy laying on the sand next to him was hot. That was the only way Noah could describe him. The man looked to be around twenty five years old and although he was laying down, it was obvious he was at least as tall as Noah, if not taller, and built like a action star, his well defined muscles bulging out of the tight wife beater he was wearing. His skin was clear and sun kissed, although slightly olive, making Noah instantly think he was at least partly Italian, and his dark messy hair perfectly set off his deep brown eyes.

Noah was surprised at quiet how attractive he found the man beside him. Since the day he left Lima, he hadn't really noticed any guys, or girls for that matter, until this moment. Right now, he suddenly felt a lot more like the Puck he used to be, than the Noah he was now.

"Hey..." Noah said slowly, trying not to let on just how attractive he found the man before him.

"I'm Holden. I came over here cuz you're hot and I think we should get together and have some fun. You look like you like to fuck." The man said, with no trace of embarrassment or hesitation in his voice.

Noah was silent for a moment, startled by the complete strangers bold remarks. Nobody had ever spoken to him like that before, nobody in the diner and certainly nobody from back home in Lima. The only person who even came close was Santana, but they had known each other well enough to get away with such things.

"Uh..." Noah said, stunned. "Wow..."

"I know." Holden said, chuckling slightly. "It's your lucky day babe."

Noah was baffled, but at the same time he suddenly understood why people at home had thought he was so arrogant. He had used a very similar line many times before.

"Why don't you start by telling me your name?" Holden prompted as he rolled onto his side, propping his head up on his hand, momentarily stunning Noah with how beautiful he looked head on.

"N..Noah." He answered, blushing slightly while berating himself inside for acting like such a pussy.

"Well Noah, it's nice to meet you. So, wanna go back to my place?"

Before Noah could register what he was doing, before any rational thoughts had passed through his head, he found himself nodding, before standing up and following Holden towards the carpark just off the beach.

* * *

><p><strong>AN<strong>: Evil place to leave it I know. Few things to make clear. This story is still all kinds of Puckurt!

Thanks for all the reviews, I feel like I have a better understanding of America now :)

Next, I know this is quite an introspective chapter, but that's who I am I guess :P

Uh... Not sure who is in the next chapter, probably half Quinn, half Puck. I'm leaving Kurt for a little while, for reasons that will later be revealed.

I think that's all for now...

P.S, the line that Holden says that really stuns Noah, believe it or not does not come from my imagination, someone actually said that to me. Needless to say, Noah and I went in very different directions :P


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five:**

**Noah:**

As Noah lay, panting slightly and staring at the ceiling of Holden's bedroom, he wondered just how it had happened. Part of him wasn't really surprised, after all, he had hooked up with many women he met in bars or at the mall, anywhere really. But this was his first time hooking up with a guy like this, so suddenly, just, emotionless fucking. Hell, he'd only ever slept with Kurt once and he loved him. A sudden wave of nausea flooded his body, but he was determined to stay cool.

When he calmed down slightly and really thought about what had happened, Noah decided it could only be a good thing. Before Kurt, he had slept around. Maybe it didn't make him the most honorable guy in the world, he certainly wasn't going to steal that title from Finn, but if he was honest with himself, he liked it. He liked the feeling he got when someone picked him up, like he was some sort of ultra desireable god. He liked feeling wanted - even if it was only for an hour. Maybe this wasn't so different. And it wasn't like it hadn't been good.

When they had made it from the beach to Holden's apartment, Noah had been feeling more nervous than ever before. Even more nervous than when he and Kurt had slept together. At least then, he knew Kurt - he knew that Kurt wouldn't judge him for his inexperience, or push him too far. This time, there was nothing to fall back on. But, as it turned out, Holden had been kind and gentle and had made it great for both of them. Noah had shocked himself by assuming a more submissive role this time. It didn't exactly come naturally, but it was a nice change to have someone else in charge.

The sudden sound of the shower being shut off alerted Noah to the fact that Holden would be coming back into the room soon and he briefly wondered what would be expected of him. Would Holden expect him to be gone by now? Or maybe to get up and leave. Maybe they would go another round. His forehead creased in concern as he tried to remember how he felt after hooking up with some random chick. Sometimes he had wanted them to leave the second he had finished, but other times, it wasn't so bad having them stick around for a while. A small wave of guilt hit him as he remembered how he had treated some of the girls, now that he was in their position he could see how much fun it wasn't... wondering if they were about to get kicked out like a cheap trick.

He wasn't looking for a boyfriend or course. It was pretty clear that this was only sex, much like the long standing situation he had had with Santana, but maybe Holden would end up being a cool guy to know. Whatever the case, Noah knew he had to at least try to carry on with his life in some way, although he didn't really know how when everything lead back to Kurt eventually. He hadn't really made much of an effort to get to know people, Maggie was right, he should be having more fun. Although maybe going home with strangers from the beach wasn't quite what she had in mind when she made the suggestion.

"Still here?" Holden asked, quirking an eyebrow as he emerged from the en suit bathroom, wearing only a white towel that looked like it cost more than Noah's truck around his waist.

"Ugh, I was just about to get going." Noah said, flushing with embarrassment as he scrambled to find his clothes.

"Relax man, I'm just playing with ya. Most of my tricks leave before I'm outta the shower, but it's cool when they stick around, I like having people to talk to."

Noah relaxed slightly, although he could still feel his face burning. He sat back down on the bed and pulled the sheet over his lower half, before smiling up at Holden.

"You do this a lot huh?" He asked casually, trying to maintain some sort of coolness.

"Hell yeah man!" Holden exclaimed. "What about you?"

"Almost never."

"Guess I just got lucky then." Holden replied. He threw his towel to the floor and flopped back onto the bed. Noah paused slightly before replying, taking in the muscular form beside him. This guy really did have an amazing body.

"Well my boss did tell me to make friends..." Noah replied teasingly.

"You certainly did that!"

"I try." Noah said with a soft chuckle.

"So I haven't seen you around before and believe me, I know every hot guy in this city. You must be new right?"

"Yeah, I just got here."

"Where from?"

"Lima." Noah said. Upon receiving a blank stare, he continued. "Ohio."

"Wow, sorry dude."

Noah chuckled again, thinking for a moment that this might be some sort of record for him. Since he had left Lima, laughing hadn't been a regular occurrence.

"I wasn't so bad..."

"Ah but you still left right? How come?"

"Oh you know... family pressure, friends... stuff."

"Stuff being a guy right?" Holden replied. "Don't worry, it's not totally obvious, even if the heartbroken puppy expression is pretty clear. I just make it my business to know guys. Helps in getting them back here to see my ceiling."

"And here I was feeling special."

"Sorry bro, I don't do special." Holden replied, punching Noah's shoulder lightly. "But you're cool."

"Thanks."

"And here's a little advice, direct from me to you. Whoever this guy was, whatever he did. Forget it. You have a new life now and with your looks alone, you can do well here. Don't let some douche from the past bring you down."

For a long moment Noah was silent, fuming. Holden had no right to call Kurt a douche, he didn't even know him. After he stopped to think for a second, a new strategy that surprised him with its effectiveness, he realized how the situation must seem from the outside. When he looked in the mirror, even he could see the heartbreak.

"What if I was the douche?" Noah asked quietly.

"My advice still stands. Leave it back in Lima. You can start again now dude. Anyway, enough of this deep and meaningful shit, you up for another round?"

Noah grinned. He liked this guy.

* * *

><p><strong>Quinn:<strong>

"Ok." Quinn muttered to herself. "Innocent, fragile and upset. you can do this. Make Rachel Berry proud."

She quickly checked over her reflection in her compact before getting out of her car, ready to face what could quite likely turn out to be a very formidable force. Getting ready had been no easy feat as she had to make this perfect. For someone who had raised Puck, his mother was pretty conservative, so Quinn wanted to give off the right impression.

As she stood outside the door of Puck's former house, Quinn found herself amazed at what she was about to do. Part of her still believed she hadn't done anything wrong, but that part got smaller and smaller every time she saw Kurt, who was growing increasingly fragile. The last time she had seen him, she vowed she would do whatever it took to fix the mess she had made. It was strange, being prom queen had seemed so important and she had been able to justify everything she had done to make sure it would become a reality. Her actions hadn't seemed so crazy at the time, but one look from Kurt put it all in perspective.

She knew sometimes she was a bitch, that sometimes she was manipulative and bordering on Sue Sylvester levels of insanity, but when it came down to the line, she still liked to think she was a good person. A good person who got confused and made some mistakes.

When she was younger, she hadn't been this way. She really was great growing up, everyone used to tell her so. Of course, people still gave her constant praise to this day, but back then it wasn't laced with just enough venom for her to be sure they were all just waiting for her to fall from grace. She used to have a lot of friends, real friends. Now, she wasn't sure anyone really liked her.

Oh, they all liked who she presented to the world, that was a given, but it was becoming more and more obvious to her that she wasn't really what they cared about. Most people just liked the idea of Quinn Fabray, the perfect blonde cheerleader that ticked all the boxes for small town glory. Sometimes she thought even most of the Glee Club didn't like her, with the exception of Kurt these days, and Brittany, who seemed to love everyone.

Snapping back into reality, Quinn steeled herself as she raised her fist and knocked firmly on the door in front of her. After a short moment, the door opened and Quinn was greeted by the site of Puck's younger sister, Sarah.

"Hey Sarah, I'm Quinn, a friend of your brothers. Do you remember me?" She asked sweetley. Quinn had always liked Sarah, in fact she liked most children, who seemed to flock to her, liking her for who she was, since they weren't really old enough to start judging her, or wanting something from her.

"Sure." Sarah said with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. It was clear she missed her big brother. "But Noah isn't here anymore, sorry."

"That's ok sweetie." Quinn said, placing a hand delicately on the young girls shoulder. "I was actually hoping to see your mom."

"Ok, come in." Sarah said, before running back into the house, yelling for her mother.

Quinn smiled her brightest smile as Puck's mother walked towards her, knowing the faster she could win over Mrs. Puckerman, the faster she could figure out how to fix her mess.

"Hi, Mrs. Puckerman." Quinn said, smiling even harder.

"Oh hello Quinn dear, how are you?"

"I'm fine thank you, how are you doing?"

"Very well. Can I help you with something, Noah isn't here..."

Quinn felt her smile slip slightly. Mrs. Puckerman clearly wasn't fine. To someone who didn't know better, she would look like a perfectly average mom, maybe a little tired, but nothing to be concerned over. But Quinn could see the effect Puck leaving had had on her. Her hair was just a little too messy, her expression a little too strained to be ok. Mrs. Puckerman was yet another person she had hurt in the process of trying to get what she wanted.

"I know, that's kind of what I came here for. I know Puck pretty well, so I'm sure he told you not to tell anyone where he's gone..."

"That's right." Mrs. Puckerman interrupted. "Mr. Shuester and Carole Hudson have both already come to ask and I'll have to tell you the same thing - my Noah wants to be alone for now."

Quinn felt a small jolt of surprise at that. She had no idea that Mr. Shue had come to find out about Puck. Mrs. Hudson's visit wasn't much of a surprise, the two women were friends after all, but Quinn had always had the impression that Mr. Shue didn't care for Puck too much. He certainly hadn't seemed surprised, or even worried, when Puck abruptly stopped coming to Glee club.

"I know that Mrs. Puckerman. He's... he's always been a private kind of guy, about the things that matter anyway. It's just... I really need to get in touch with him. It's urgent."

A look of panic suddenly crossed Mrs. Puckerman's face.

"You're not... pregnant are you? Is that why he left? Oh I always knew he'd..."

"Woah!" Quinn exclaimed, cutting her off abruptly. "Puck and I... that's never going to happen! I'm not pregnant... we're just friends."

The absurdity of the question, along with Mrs. Puckerman's look of extreme relief was almost enough to make Quinn giggle, but knowing the importance of this conversation, she suppressed the urge.

"I just, I really need to get in touch with him, please." Quinn begged, going in for the kill with her best "little girl lost" expression. It always worked with men, but was hit and miss with women. Quinn prayed Mrs. Puckerman would relent.

After a long moment, Mrs. Puckerman sighed.

"Ok. He's staying with his aunt Heather in San Fransisco. I'll get you the address."

"Thank you, thank you so much."

"I know he'll be mad at me, but I miss him so much... if you can make him come home, it'll be worth it."

"I'll try. I promise." Quinn said, sincerely hoping she could deliver, for Mrs. Puckerman's sake, as well as Kurts. And, perhaps more than anything, to ease her own conscience.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:<strong> There you have it. Puck and Holden, not exactly how people were expecting it to go I think. But things like that... they happen.

As for Quinn, she is essentially a good person, even if she is a little selfish sometimes, I hope I'm portraying that well.

Enjoy, and please do review, even if you think it's sucktacular. All reviews help inspire me to write more.


End file.
